Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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