I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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