guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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