I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
