Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
