good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
