You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize