So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
