There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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