a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
