he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
