i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
