In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
