What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dicks are not precious.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
