Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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