This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
