She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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