i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
