But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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