I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
