Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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