I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
