You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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