Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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