i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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