Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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