Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
