xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
