I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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