You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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