dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
