I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Randomize
