I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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