Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
