Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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