a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
