How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
