That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sext me about skeletons
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
