Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
