i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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