Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
50% drunk capacity currently
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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