Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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