I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
