I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
