I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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