then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
