I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
