is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
