VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
