Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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