Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there's paper in my vomit.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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