i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
