i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
