i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
