the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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