I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
