are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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