Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
