RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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