The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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