dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
