Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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