Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
