Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
