I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
