Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
