I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
