and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
