I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize